Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Adult Sabbath School Lesson (October 20-26): the Key to Unity

I think we can all agree that Paul's argument in Ephesians in just plain wrong.


I mean, all this stuff about God giving each of us something that the whole church needs . . .


Obviously wrong.

And if you don't think it's wrong, then take a look at your local church.

Most churches, after all, only need a few key people who do a few, important things: Yes, you need:
  • Someone to play the piano.
  • Someone to keep the books.
  • A couple of big donors.
  • A couple of people to run the children's Sabbath School divisions.
  • And someone to preach -- someone who is married, male, and preferably in their mid-30s or so.
That's it!
Everyone else is superfluous . . . 
And to be honest, we've made it pretty clear that everyone else should just sit down, shut up, and let us run the church.
So don't give me this stuff about "God gives everyone a gift that the whole church needs."
No, not until you can show me a church that needs everyone.

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Adult Sabbath School lesson (October 13-19): That They All May Be One

Read John 17
  • List the specific things for which Jesus prays. How much of Christ's prayer has already been answered? How much has yet to be answered?
  • As N. T. Wright suggests, try reading this prayer as though it were your own (substituting "Jesus" for "I" etc.). How much of this prayer has already been answered in your life? How much has yet to be answered?
  • "Unity is the result of love -- and lack of unity comes from a lack of love." Agree or disagree?

Monday, October 08, 2018

Adult Sabbath School Lesson (October 6-12): Causes of Disunity

TO: Rehoboam
FROM: Transition Advisory Group
RE: Proposed Tax-relief

With all due respect, we disagree with the Senior Advisory Group's advocacy of tax-relief -- indeed, we feel the opposite policy should be followed, i.e. taxes should be increased for these reasons:

1) The request came from the ten northern tribes -- a fractious group that has repeatedly caused trouble for your grandfather. Agree to their demands, and you strengthen those who would oppose you anyway.

2) The opposition is led by Jeroboam -- a notorious rebel against your father who survived only because of Egypt's help. Once again, giving in to his demands only strengthens someone who is already against you; stand up to him now, on the other hand, and his support will vanish.

3) Finally, it's worth pointing out that your father's policies made this country both strong and prosperous; you cannot change them without risking the support of everyone who benefitted from these policies.

In short, a strong kingdom needs a strong king -- and for that reason, we urge you to continue the policies that have done so much for us in the past. Let others counsel weakness; we advocate strength.


Thursday, October 04, 2018

Adult Sabbath School lesson (September 29 - October 5): Creation & Fall

FROM: Planet Earth Study Team (PEST)
TO: Free Angel Strategic Working Group (FASWG)
RE: TTESPfPE Project Update

Glorious news! Our continuing efforts to Thwart The Enemy's Stupid Plan for Planet Earth (TTESPfPE) have moved from strength to strength; as a result, our inevitable success should take place at any time.

To recapitulate:
  • The Enemy's plans to put perfect people in a perfect place: THWARTED (see Project Snake).
  • The Enemy's plans to care for imperfect people in an imperfect place: THWARTED (see Project Cain).
  • The Enemy's plans to hit "reset" and start again: THWARTED (see Project Vineyard).
As a result, The Enemy has resorted to what is obviously a last-ditch (and inevitably doomed) attempt to recruit an elderly nomad and (I quote) "make him a blessing."

Pathetic, right?

Onward to Victory!