It’s no secret that even the best Pastors’ Meeting can have its tedious moments. That’s why I’m offering these suggestions on how to occupy your time during the boring parts of this year’s meeting . . . just so you’ll be awake and alert for the really important stuff!
1. Have a take-out pizza delivered to the meeting. Share it with those around you.
2. Look through your Conference directory, and start dialing the cell-phone numbers of other pastors. If anyone answers, remind them to turn-off their cell-phone during meetings. (Don will thank you for this.)
3. Mentally translate everything the speaker says into pirate-talk. (“Argh, me hearties – treasure there be in the pension plan . . . but not for the likes of you!”)
4. Two words: laser pointer.
5. Announce theme days: on Wednesday, for instance, try to get everyone to dress up like cowboys. On Thursday, come as your favorite Biblical character. On Friday, everyone should wear bunny slippers.
6. Shout “amen!” every time somebody says the word, “Oregon.”
7. Sell popcorn.
8. Sing “Father Abraham” silently to yourself while you’re sitting there – and yes, do all the actions as well.
9. Sit behind somebody who brought a laptop so that you can watch him play “Doom.”
10. Walk out of the room holding a pocket calculator next to your ear. If anyone notices that it’s not a cell phone, tell them “the reception is terrible – but at least there’s no roaming fee.”
And remember: "All systems ready. All preparations complete. All pigs fed and ready to fly" -- taken from a wall plaque.